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1-900-Score-A-Date The date was fine he thought so too His last words said were, "I'll call you." So you wait by the phone for days, Forsaking all fragments of pride. Men, you broke the bank, she had a ball And now she won't return your call Till finally her roommate explains the problem. She can't call you back cause she's died. (That's the fifth one this month!) Hey, you don't have to live with that kind of humiliation anymore. Not here. Not now. Not with: 1-900-Score a Date the high-tech way to communicate Give that night a touchtone rate with 1-900 Score a Date Live rejection's so passé. Get dissed the fiber-optic way All for just 3.98 It's 1-900-Score a Date When you dial 1-900-Score a Date, a host of options are available to you. All carefully crafted to help you avoid any kind of honest communication with the person you just spent the last three hours talking to. You can record your own message and leave it in your date's mailbox, or choose from our wide variety of prerecorded messages, ranging in mood from guardedly optimistic to epithetically malevolent. To record your own message, press one To choose a prerecorded message, press two. You chose two, prerecorded message. Here's your chance for you to pick if he's a prince or he's a jerk Pick out the quip that's right for you from every type and kind. Did your date rot? Then why not try our most humane choice, Bald-faced lie. Make your selection at any time Among these worn-out lines: To stage your own disappearance via alien abduction, press 1 For, "I'm sorry, I'm gay," press 2 For, "I'm sorry, I'm straight," press 3 For rare contagious disease, press 4 To leave some New Age garbage, like "I feel we really connected, but I'm just not in a good space for a relationship right now, press 5 To report your date to the local FBI agency nearest you press 6 You chose "4" rare contagious disease. The following message will be left in your date's mailbox Hello! Date 5928 had a lovely time by date 5928 has recently been diagnosed with Legionnaire's Disease. Please do not attempt to contact date 5928 as he or she is expecting to have Legionnaire's disease for the next seven years. 1-900-Score a Date the high-tech way to communicate Give that night a touchtone rate with 1-900-Score a Date Hi! I just returned from the most amazing date. Normally when I dial 1-900 Score a Date I choose the added feeling of comfort and protection I get when choosing a pre-recorded message, but tonight was so different. Tonight, I' m leaving a message all my own. Please begin recording at the beep. Hi Eric? This is Deirdre. Well, 5928. I'm just calling to let you know what we both know. Tonight our souls connected. Tonight, I came to know a part of you that you've never shown anyone and you came to know a part of me that I've never shown anyone and I came to know a part of me I never knew existed and there was so much knowing going on. Never have I felt so alive and never have my loins felt such a fiery promise of things to come. Thank goodness we don't have to pretend anymore, which is why I'm not afraid to say Eric. I love you. End of message. You have mail. You see? While I was recording a message for him he was recording a message for me! Let's listen: (Eric leaves his message) 1-900-Score a Date The high tech way to seal your fate. Dial now, no need to wait It's 1-900-Score a Date. ~~ Deirdre Flint ~~
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