This is a story of a girl named Jenny and but for true love, She had it
all.
When the carnival came to town she went to the gypsy
To see what she'd see in her crystal ball
And the gypsy said, "You act so happy, but you long for a true love
You long for your perfect date. And the good news is, Jenny, you'll find it
But the bad news is you'll only find it on your hundredth date."
"Hundredth date?!?"
"Hundredth date."
First date, not great, talked to much about his mother
Next guy bar fly, she moved on and called another
Guy three great times, talked book, arts, life
Drank, danced, romanced
Till she found he had a wife
Four a gastronomic nightmare belched his way right through the dinner
5 would not shut up about his days on tour with Leonard Skinner.
Number 6 looked good on paper but was a corporate drone
Took her to the opera and would not hang up his cell phone
7 had a hobby smuggling weapons to the Middle East
8 was quite a catch until she found he was a Catholic priest
9 would wash his hands a dozen times and other strange behavior
number 10 would like to know if Jesus is her personal savior.
11 showed up in a set of slick, red Vinal pants
Took her to a swingers club, not her type of romance
12 was a sweetheart! The Mr. Right for whom she'd hunted
Till one night she found him featured on America's most wanted.
13 was an Amway salesmen she met in an elevator
left some rug shampoo at her house, hoping he could hook and bait her
But, he struck out cause she had hardwood floors.
14 frumpy 15 grumpy, 16 Jerry Fallwell's spawn
17 kept flashing back to his tour in Vietnam
Which was kind of odd for a man of 24.
18 drove his car to wild, 19 prozac poster child
20 got to angry bowling 21 was greencard trollin
22 liked Judy Garland Ballroom dancing, yup - gay
next guy cut the date short so to place a bid on Ebay
24 a crossdresser with legs so great she had to hate him
25 recited every Baywatch episode verbatim.
26 was pistol packing, 27 hygiene lacking
28 was in the guiness book for empty beer can stacking
29 spent dinner cursing his ex girlfriend Heather
called next day to break the next date- they had gotten back together
30 was a set up by a woman clearly out to spite her
Cruel wench paired her up with a singer/songwriter.
31 sold flowers at the airport dressed like Dali Lama
32 a washed up rink guard from her local rollerama
33 a throwback hippie way too into commune life
34 a country Mormon trolling for his 7th wife.
95 a tatooed biker sporting Dixie flagged bandana
96 militia leader on vacation from Montana
(Explanation of break in sequence)
Jenny awoke one morning to find herself in a hospital room with her roommate
sitting by her side. Jenny looked around and said, "Where am I? What
happened?" And her roommate explained,
94 he was a pilot and he came to take you cruising.
Mr. Hotshot crashed his plane you got a head wound and some bruising
Doctor says that you'll be fine but somehow you just can't recall
61 dates you went on shortly 'fore your crash and fall.
Jenny said well maybe I'll remember once off anesthesia
Look, her roommate said I met each one you'd better keep amnesia.
97 living proof for advocates of human spaying
98 well who knew Danny Bonaduchi was still dating?
Next guy took her home to see his hand built Abe Vagoda shrine
HEY she said as he drove off that was date number 99.
The song has one of these four possible endings.
1. Unresolved adolescent fantasy ending
2. Grand Old Party Ending
3. Alternative lifestyles ending
4. Country Mormon Ending
~~ Deirdre Flint ~~
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